By KATY SWEENY - Staff Writer
Posted: 11/14/2010 12:00:00 AM PST
CHICO -- About one in three adolescent girls in the U.S. is a victim of physical, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner — a figure that far exceeds victimization rates for other types of violence affecting youth.
Professionals who work to combat domestic violence murmured in surprise and nodded their heads with dismay Friday at Chico State University as they heard this fact and others on dating violence.
"I can't imagine kids these days having to make these kinds of decisions or even knowing about dating violence," said Melissa McGowan of the Chico State University Continuing Education Center. "It makes me fearful for my sister's sanity in a few years when her kids become teens."
Dozens of victim advocates and court workers came to the In Service to Families, Children and The Courts Friday at Sylvester's Cafe to learn about new domestic violence laws and research. The training is required once a year for some of their professions, said Vahan Hovsepian, who is on the Continuing Education advisory board.
Instructor Emberly Cross led the training. She included a new topic: teens and dating violence.
Cross listed six women, ages 15 to 22, who were killed in the last few years by their boyfriends, husbands or ex-partners.
One in five tweens, ages 11 to 14, report they have friends who are victims of dating violence.
"This is very concerning to me as a mother of 10-year-olds," Cross said.
Technology such as cell phones, Facebook and
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e-mail that teens use can be a source of control and abuse but also a source of support, Cross said. The medium also is more hidden from parents than the family phone.
"A lot of parents are reluctant to invade their child's privacy," she said.
Cross thinks parents need to stay involved to ensure their children are safe and making smart decisions, she said. Studies show there's a knowledge gap between what teens have experienced and what parents know about.
One in five teen girls and one in 10 younger teen girls, ages 13 to 16, have electronically sent or posted nude or semi-nude photos or videos of themselves. Even more teen girls, 37 percent, have sent or posted a sexually suggestive text, e-mail or instant message.
McGowan said the teen dating scene has changed so much since she was a teenager.
"Twenty years ago when I was in high school, we didn't have cell phones. The technology piece of dating violence wasn't there," McGowan said.
She said it's hard for her to imagine dating at age 11.
"We had cooties then," McGowan said.
If a parent, friend, teacher or other adult thinks a young person could be a victim of dating violence or abuse, Cross said they should talk to the teen, offer help and not give up on them.
In the recent cases of the six women who were killed, Cross said people knew about the ongoing abuse and the women didn't get enough help.
When parents learn their child has been abused, Cross said to be careful.
"Your first instinct is going to be to try to cut off all contact with the abuser," she said. "But be cautious and thoughtful of that. Because we all know what happened with Romeo and Juliet. They're going to find more ways to communicate and it's going to be more hidden."
For friends, Cross said, "Try to talk to the friend. And don't give up on your friend. One of the things batterers do is isolate their victim. So she needs to have somebody who will stay her friend. Even if you can't talk to her every day, she knows you're there. It can be frustrating having a friend who is not listening to you, not getting out of the relationship. Try to stick with it."
Triggers for people to recognize that they might be in an abusive relationship is if at any point the person feels pressured to do something he or she doesn't want to do or if they ever feel unsafe, Cross said. "It's time to speak out," she said. "Listen to your gut."
She said to not make excuses for the abuser.
Cross said victims should talk to someone they feel like they can trust.
"If that's a parent, great," she said. "If that's a hotline, great. If it's an aunt, great. Someone who they can tell, 'Hey, this is happening. Is this OK?' "
Cross said if victims don't receive the help they need from a parent, friend or teacher, to contact a national or local hotline where people are trained, can offer suggestions and resources and the call is anonymous.
Teen victims of physical dating violence are more likely than their non-abused peers to smoke, use drugs, engage in unhealthy diet behaviors, engage in risky sexual behaviors, become pregnant and attempt or consider suicide.
A few states require high schools to teach students about dating violence. California does not have a similar law.
Cross recommended to keep talking to teenagers.
"I would like to go to every elementary school and tell them two things, though I won't and cant. Use a condom," Cross said. "And for God's sake, don't take naked pictures of yourself or don't let anybody take naked pictures of you."
Dating violence resources
Catalyst Domestic Violence Services — 24-hour crisis line, 1-800-895-8476; www.catalystdvservices.org
Rape Crisis — 24-hour crisis line, 342-7273
Butte County Health Department — Teen Services Butte County, 891-2731 or 538-7341
Homeless Emergency Runaway Effort — 1-800-371-4373
Stonewall Alliance LGBTQ Community — 893-3336
Northern Valley Catholic Social Services — 345-1600
National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline — 1-866-331-9474
Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network — 1-800-656-HOPE (4673), www.rainn.org
Staff writer Katy Sweeny can be reached at 896-7760 or ksweeny@chicoer.com.
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