DALLAS — The most violent and sensational cases with links to domestic violence are hard to miss in the newspaper and on television news.
There was Susan Loper, the Frisco, Texas, mom and fitness instructor who was killed in April, allegedly by a former boyfriend who later jumped into the Grand Canyon to escape police.
Police were searching for the husband of Maritza Panameno, the Irving, Texas, mother of three whose body was found in the Trinity River the same month.
And on Saturday, 35-year-old Tan Do shot and killed his estranged wife, Trini Do, and four other members of her family at a children’s birthday party before taking his own life.
For every one of those high-profile killings, there are thousands of family violence assaults, threats and other crimes that no one hears about. The abuse, which may start small, often escalates over time, according to experts. Some victims are afraid to leave their abusers, and reports show that victims can actually face more danger if they try to move on.
The operators of women’s shelters say that they are now busier than ever. In addition, those programs are struggling with fewer resources because of government cuts and reduced donations.
This summer, The Family Place has had to turn away women trying to escape abuse because its shelter has been full. And Genesis Women’s Shelter in Dallas reports record demand, with 400 names on a waiting list for counseling.
“The statistics are very grim,” said Pat Tosi, chief executive officer of Hope’s Door, a Plano domestic violence program. “People don’t even want to hear about this. They don’t want to hear that it’s all over the place.”
The prevalence of domestic violence means that most of us probably know someone who is being abused.
“It could be the person checking you out at the grocery store or working at the doctor’s office,” said Derrelynn Perryman, victims’ services coordinator for the Arlington Police Department. The department files reports on more than 3,000 family violence incidents per year, and half of the city’s 14 homicides in 2011 involved family domestic violence.
The violence goes on much more than most people realize, said Dallas Police Lt. Diana Watts. Dallas reported more than 13,000 family violence cases in 2010.
“Our caseload is high but it stays behind closed doors. It’s not where we can see it,” Watts said. “People are going to jobs every day bruised from the neck down where we can’t see.”
More than 40 percent of Texas shelters do not have enough money to meet the rising needs, according to an annual survey by the National Network to End Domestic Violence in Washington, D.C.
Many shelters have cut services and staff because of the economy, according to another recent study by Dallas-based Mary Kay Inc.
Meanwhile, victims are staying longer than they have in the past at The Family Place, said Paige Flink, the Dallas agency’s executive director. Those seeking help can’t find jobs or affordable homes, slowing the pipeline from the shelter into housing programs.
“It makes it hard to serve as many people because you’re serving them longer,” Flink said.
Some attribute increased family violence to the struggling economy. But local shelter officials caution that economic factors alone do not cause someone to be abusive.
“Not having money isn’t going to make him beat you; it’s an element to a situation that’s very tough as it is,” Flink said.
Much progress on the domestic abuse front has been made the past few decades, with more shelters being opened and more laws passed to protect victims.
There also is more public awareness — and at an earlier age. Dating-violence programs are teaching the youngest generation to recognize red flags for abusive behavior early on. Many teens are taught in schools to be careful with people who are possessive or with those who push to get into a serious relationship quickly.
But Jan Langbein, executive director of Genesis Women’s Shelter, says she is frustrated that the violence remains high. Langbein said friends can do something about abuse by just checking on one another. She wishes she had done that with her friend Mary Richardson.
The University Park woman was murdered in 1999 by her husband, Timothy Patrick Richardson, who strangled and nearly decapitated her. He was sentenced to 60 years in prison. Langbein said she did not know her friend was in danger, and she wonders whether there were any signs she may have missed.
“I never said, ‘Mary, are you OK?’ ” Langbein said.
People experiencing abuse may not reach out because they do not always see themselves as victims, Flink said. Some blame themselves for the violence. Others may fail to recognize the potential seriousness and consequences.
“It either feels very normal or it is minimized,” she said. “Sometimes I think the victim underestimates how bad it could possibly get.”
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