THE CENTER for Domestic Peace, home of Marin Abused Women's Services, applauds the efforts of Marin County's District Attorney's Office for the successful prosecution of James Mitchell.
The Mitchell case reminds us that domestic violence abusers can kill, even after their intimate partners have left them.
Leaving the relationship is often a dangerous time for the victim, but why?
We have to look at the belief system of the abuser, for that is the person responsible.
Even after all Danielle did to get herself free, James Mitchell still made the decision to kill her.
We know that the systems in place do help victims and do deter abusers — everything from hotlines, 911, arrest, shelters, changing the victims' identities, prosecution, granting restraining orders, putting an abuser in custody, monitoring them while on they are on probation. But these do not guarantee safety.
What does? We have to look to the abuser for that.
There are two main characteristics that batterers have to change if they are to stop abusing: One is the belief that they are superior to their intimate partners ("If you don't obey me, you'll be sorry"). The second is the belief that they possess or own their intimate partners ("If I see you with him again, I'll kill you" or "If you leave me, you're dead").
It is the decision of the abuser not to harm that guarantees the victim's freedom from their abuse.
Mitchell was the only one who could have done that for Danielle. He could have made a different decision. What if he noticed his thinking before he acted and was able to calm himself and make a different decision — say — to respect her right to separate from him and accept her "NO" as a "New Opportunity" for him to get to know himself better, while respecting her boundary?
Behavior like this would be the result of changing a superior belief system, which is how we teach abusers to stop — by changing their beliefs and learning to recognize their intimate partners as equal in value to themselves.
Center for Domestic Peace operates a program for abusers, ManKind, that has helped more than 30,000 men. There are many other such programs available. We also offer WomanKind for women who abuse.
Key to understanding domestic violence is measuring the risk for lethality that it poses. The best prediction/indicator of lethality is prior threats to kill. It also becomes a greater risk if the perpetrator is specific about his or her plans or intended methods.
Access to or ownership of guns/knives adds to the risk, as does prior violent behavior such as choking, suffocating or strangling.
When the violence is escalating and there are drugs and alcohol involved, the risk increases. Seeking immediate help can be the difference between life and death.
As the family and our community continue healing from the death of Danielle, may this incident serve as a call for all of us to learn ways to stop domestic violence before it starts and to understand how dangerous this crime can be.
There are resources available, from hotlines for support and referrals, to emergency shelters, support groups, legal advocates, prevention classes for abusers and bullies, and much more.
Kate Kain is deputy executive director of the Center for Domestic Peace, home of Marin Abused Women's Services. For more information on any of the services mentioned or to learn more about the warning signs, call the 24-hour hotline at 924-6616 or visit www.centerfordomesticpeace.com
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